Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Triple the Moron, Triple the Tax

Last night, I dropped my new tube of toothpaste in the toilet bowl.  In the half-second that I stood over the toilet, pondering, "Do I really have to get that thing?" it occurred to me that my goof was moron squared.

First, there is the base layer stupidity, as I have mentioned in an earlier post, in having a bathroom cabinet poised directly about the toilet.  I have ruined many of my mornings by dropping my fancy, department-store facial soap into the crapper.  Then there is the stupidity multiplier, which is that my toilet has not been cleaned since January and there is an unsettling brown ring around the top of the bowl.

I decided to retrieve the toothpaste.  A tube that big would not flush, and it's unthinkable to allow it to float for eternity in the one toilet in the house.  Once I pulled it out of the water, however, I faced another dilemma -- do I keep it or throw it away?  On the one hand, it was a brand new tube good for at least another couple of months.  It was, moreover, the only toothpaste in the house.  On the other hand, the microscopic (and not-so microcopic) poo particles swirling about the toilet would probably stick to a gooey substance like toothpaste.  And, toothpaste reaches every crevice of your mouth, which seems to me to be among the last places you'd want poo particles to go.

Despite the fact that a replacement would cost me less than $6, I kept the toilet-water soaked toothpaste.  I doused it with soapy water and rubbing alcohol.  For good measure, I squirt out the top quarter inch of toothpaste into the garbage can.  "There," I thought, "good as new."  I squeezed a little toothpaste on my toothbrush -- sniffed it to be sure -- and then brushed.

This morning, I woke up with a fever and body ache.

*Update Post here and here.

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