FEATURED POST by Kevin O'Leary

Today's Featured Post is from my good friend Kevin. Kevin lives life at the intersection of comedy, bravery, and heart. He embraces the bizarre circumstances (see the photo) that crash into his life, and he owns up to all his quirks and hapless mistakes with brutal honesty and witty flair. Rather than cover up a 1 square foot drool stain that he left on his bedsheet, he would take photos and share them. Kevin is a man you fervently admire, even as you're chuckling at his latest life fumble. Many thanks to Kevin for being the first contributor to my blog.

Six Moronic Things I Do on a Constant Basis

I like to open a door til it's just slightly ajar, poke my head in to ask a quick question, then close the door while my head is still there.

Alternately, I will do the above but be asking a question FOR someone. So while my head is in the ajar door, I snap my chin towards my shoulder to relay back the answer -- thus smacking my face against the wall. It's great.

Sleep offers no respite from being a moron. I will have dreams where I am waiting in line. Or having a detailed staff meeting. A well-worn favorite is the one where I am in an unfamiliar house and the phone rings and I have to leave a message but "gosh!" there's no pen/paper. So I scurry, sick to my stomach thinking of how they will hang up. Once a year I have the dream where I have to leave a post-it for someone but it won't stick. I cannot stress enough how exhausting these dreams are.

When I go to work in the morning, I like to leave as many things as possible in the corner furthest from the door out of my apartment, then go back to retrieve them one by one. "Oh, my wallet" Back to door. "Oh my cell." Back to door. This way, I can waste a lot of time. It's most effective if you put your shoes on -- adds that "gotcha" guilt factor of walking on the wood floors.

I like to spend a lot of time fretting over what books to bring on a long flight. Read a lot of first pages so I don't get a lemon. Get real serious about it. Then get on the plane, cross my arms, and sleep almost the whole way.

I get songs in my head and I sing them aloud and don't realize I'm doing it. I once broke out into the Martha and the Vandellas song "Heatwave" during my U.S Intellectual History class.

* Kevin is the tallest man in the photo -- the guy without green hair.
** If you'd like your story to be a Featured Post, please email me at wuisme@morontax.com.