Monday, May 11, 2009

Suffering for Beauty

It's fair to say that I have no idea how to dress up properly. I can button shirts and pants with reasonable accuracy, but I am at a loss with formal attire. Half my wardrobe is made of fleece, and I tuck in my shirt no more than twice a year. I haven't worn pantyhose for over 5 years.

My brother's wedding was one of the rare times that I did dress up. For the occasion, I decided to splurge on a pair of gold, high-heeled sandals. The shoes were fashionable and even sexy, but they were also far out of my league. The shoes were no more than a few thin straps glued to a short plank with a pencil for a heel. You needed the balance of a mountain goat to wear those things. When I wore them, I tottered like a new-born calf missing two of its legs.

When it came time, then, to walk down the stairs of the church to join the wedding ceremony, I can honestly say that I had a good idea what was going to happen. I was only surprised that I didn't trip until I was four steps down from the top. On the fourth step, my left heel skidded under me just as I shifted my weight to that foot. I crashed down on my left side, awkwardly bending my left foot beneath me. I heard something pop and people gasp. Momentum (+ gravity) carried me down the remaining stairs. As those were the only shoes I had with me, I had to put them back on and wear them for the rest of the wedding and the reception afterward.

The photo is a picture of my injured foot after several hours of standing on it. At this point, it had swollen so much that it could not longer comfortably fit into those gold heels. If you look closely, you can see where the straps of the shoes pressed into my foot


  1. ...and might I add that you didn't even bother to get a pedicure! you but those beastly looking toes into a pair of strappy open toe sandles??! Muah ha ha ha

  2. Haha -- I totally sympathize with you on this. There is no such thing as a really cute formal shoe that is also as easy to walk in as sneakers. I brought a pair of black heels on this trip for the four fancy things we'll be doing, and I've already had to walk barefoot in the streets of Manhattan because I couldn't bear to walk any further in the heels.

  3. You know, it doesn't even occur to me to get a pedicure for a special occasion. I'm too busy patting myself on the back for brushing my hair all the way through and wearing a dress.

  4. Angela, you should just have your boyfriend carry you around the streets of Manhattan :)